Great Communication Tips Part 1 communication process

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Great Communication Tips Part 1 communication process

Great Communication Tips Part 1 communication process

Hey everybody welcome back. Great Communication Tips Part 1 communication process

Now we’re going to go over some great Communication Tips And here’s your very first one and this is

kind of an overriding one that you want to be looking at constantly constantly constantly as you’re

presenting which is what communication is when you’re presenting to somebody you want to look at.

Is it helping or is it hurting. Great Communication Tips Part 1 communication process

Think of it this way.

I’m trying to make the sale.

Is it getting me closer to closing the sale or farther away.

I want to connect with somebody is a creating connection or disconnection.

I want to keep people interested.

Is it creating interest or lack of interest like this poor guy nose down on the table notice which one

you’re doing by getting this feedback.

This will help you stay on track.

Hit the right spot and actually move in the direction you’re trying to move it.

Great great tip.

Now here’s a little piece of reality.

People are much more interested Hello much more interested in what they have to say than what you have

to say.

People are always going to be more excited about talking in a conversation than listening in a conversation.

We’re going to talk a little bit later on about conversational generosity and how that works.

And this will make more and more sense to you as you go on.

But a lot of people think conversation is about being a great talker.

A lot of times it’s about being a great listener and being as interested.

Sometimes if you want to create excitement of being more interested in what the other person has to

say than what they’re saying that will create high likeability with the person help you connect with

them and ultimately make the sale area trying to sell someone an idea a product a concept maybe even

on helping themselves.

Let’s dive a little deeper into this.

Most people actually aren’t communicating they’re just taking turns talking.

People are literally waiting for you to take a breath so they can jump in and say the next brilliant

thing that they thought of here’s our typical conversation goes you say something it sparks an idea

in the person that you’re talking to.

They start sub vocalizing which is internal self-talk and they go blah blah blah blah blah.

What they thought about your very first idea.

Now everything you say after the first idea they pretty much missed. Great Communication Tips Part 1 communication process

Then they get to talk and they say this is great.

I mean tell this person something and you’re going to get all this information.

Then they say something.

And the first thing that they say trigger something in you.

You start thinking about it and you’re saying blah blah blah blah blah in the back of your mind thinking

about how brilliant you are about going over what they had just said and you miss the next 15 things

that they say because you’re talking in your own head.

And this cycle repeats and repeats and repeats.

So what we want to do is make sure that when we’re talking with somebody we’re getting good communication

across.

And one way that you can do that is to interrupt them with a question ask them a question about what

you’re talking about that will get them out of their head and focus back on what you’re talking about.

So I’ll say you know hey there was one time when I was in such and such a situation blah blah blah blah

blah.

1-And I’ll say Have you ever been in a situation like that.

2-And I give a quick minute to respond but it stops the talking in their head.

3-And then I go on to my next point.

What I really want to tell you about is blah blah blah blah blah.

Is that something that you feel you could use.

The other question stops the self-talk.

Whatever blah blah blah blah blah.

They were doing in their mind.

They had to stop and focus and answer the question.

So make sure that when you’re talking to somebody that they’re actually listening they’re not glazed

over.

And when they’re talking I want you actually listening to what they’re saying not going with this sub

vocalization talk in your own mind.

Does that make sense.

Listen to what they say.

You can think about it for days after.

Don’t be spending too much time thinking about it why they’re talking about it except to analyze what

are their values what are their beliefs and what’s important to them.

That’s all this vocalization you should be doing now when you’re generous in letting somebody talk almost

talk themselves out and then they’re more likely to listen to you and not be so hyper to jump in and

when you take a breath and say something more about that later

this is an interesting one.

I always tell people that people are tuned into a radio station called W I f them what’s in it for me.

People always want to know when you communicate.

The thing that they care about the most bar none is what’s in it for them.

Everybody is self motivated.

That means they’re motivated by self what’s in it for them.

So when you’re talking about things don’t talk about why it’s important to the government or society

or the world as a whole how are they going to make money.

1-How are they going to benefit from this.

2-How is this going to solve them a problem.

3-How is it going to make them look good.

That’s all they care about.

So make sure when you’re trying to get a point across that you’re telling them what’s in it for them.

If you’re not talking about what’s in it for them because remember they’re tuned to a radio station

called WIIFM What’s In It For Me.

If you’re not tuned into that they will tune you out.

Now here’s a great tip.

Whenever you’re networking whenever you’re talking whenever you try to communicate with another person

and you really want to connect with them.

Write this down print out the slide whenever you need to do.

It’s much better to be interested than interesting.

A lot of people think well to be a great communicator.

To make an impression to people like you you’ve got to be you know funny and charismatic and say that

people are starved starved. Great Communication Tips Part 1 communication process

I can tell you as a therapist they’ll pay me $300 an hour to sit there and listen to them Why.

Because they are starved for somebody to listen to them. Great Communication Tips Part 1 communication process

So much better to be interested in the other person personally who they are their cares their concerns.

What’s interesting to them you will seem like a brilliant conversationalist if you’re a really good

listener.

So you want to talk about half as much as you speak.

They say that’s why you got two ears and one mouth so that you can keep your conversation and that proportion

listen twice as much as you talk be interested in them find what they’re saying.

Fascinating.

And then they will what the LA press reciprocity says they will listen to you when you speak

so listening here’s some main listening skills.

One listen never ever miss a perfectly good opportunity to listen.

Caring.

Be there for that person and just be there for him not just be listening but show them that you care.

You know you say that must be so hard for you.

That must have been great when that happened.

Wow what was that like.

Reflect that you’re actually caring that you’re interested and that you care for them.

Our best friends are the ones that care for us and when our best friends talk we what we listen.

Why.

Because they care about us.

Following up following you know listening is more than just you know sitting there not talking.

You have to make sure that your that you’re engaged use eye contact non-intrusive gestures nodding your

head saying OK asking very infrequent questions.

Adding to that so true.

I remember one time when I.

OK but make it very brief.

That really worked for me one time.

Boom you’re out you’re in you’re out.

I know that to be true man you speak and you speak the truth to me.

I know what that’s like.

OK.

That shows that you’re following.

I remember when that happened to me one time.

That’s following.

But in and out quick don’t get into a story that they got to listen to about you reflecting reflecting

his paraphrasing and reflecting back the feelings you’re sensing.

Wow that must have been really hard for you.

I can remember when that happened to me one time and it was really painful.

Paraphrasing is saying the same thing back say no when my girlfriend left me I was absolutely crushed.

Say wow I can see why you were crushed.

That’s paraphrasing.

I can see why you were crushed.

Bill That must have been very painful for you.

Painful.

Another way to say crushed.

OK.

So therapists are really good at this but the average person needs to get really good at this as well.

And it’s the final piece just for this little section here and great tips.

This is huge.

If you learn nothing else in this training about conversation except this conversational generosity

is huge is one of the big tips that you want to remember.

Now remember because people are tuned to that radio station WIIFM What’s In It For Me.

When you talk this is like Einstein’s theory of relativity he said you know when you spend a minute

an hour with a girl it seems shorter than any minute.

That’s relativity right.

You know and he spent an hour with a pretty girl it seems like a minute when you spend a minute doing

something you don’t like it seems like an hour.

That’s relativity.

So when you’re talking it seems like a long time to the person when they’re talking it seems like the

time when his bike has a short period of time.

So these percentages are pretty accurate when you talk half the time they are going to think that you

took up pretty much you know two thirds to three quarters of the conversation is going to feel like

70 percent.

When you talk 40 percent of the time you’re going to think you were generous but it really sounds more

like 50/50 to them.

That’s the way it feels and that’s the way they remember remember their perception of the conversation

is everything.

Because this is what this is the person you’re trying to talk to person you’re trying to influence their

perception not reality is what is key.

So this is why I say listen twice as much as you talk because if you’re talking in those proportions

you’re only talking about 30 percent of the time that’s going to seem like about 40 percent of the time

to them which is going to be noticeably noticeably less than half but just barely.

So they’re going to say hey this person didn’t dominate the conversation.

They actually listened to me.

They didn’t try to overpower me which means what.

Talking 50/50 like everybody else you know or God help them if they ever do run into somebody you talk

70 percent of the time they’re going to feel like it was a hundred or 110 percent of the time.

See how this works.

I like to talk around 30 to 20 percent of the time.

And if I’m talking 30 percent of the time even part of that is going back to confirming noticing their

feelings reaffirming you know they’re correct in certain things where they are correct.

You know giving them validation not just me talking about what I want to talk about.

So that will seem like I’m not even talking because when you’re validating somebody it seems like they’re

talking except they’re finally getting the validation they never had before.

People are starved for two things.

Time to talk and validation.

Those are the two things that they are craving and they are starved for so remember that and communication.

So depending upon how much you want people to like you I would say never do more than 40 percent.

You want to live in that 30 percent and down category.

And the more you want them to like you go down down down down down.

If I really want somebody like me I go to 10 to 20 percent.

I hardly ever talk and I spent half that time validating confirming you know rephrasing letting them

know that I’m connecting let know that I’m emotionally attached to what they’re saying.

So I’m really even if I’m talking 20 percent of the time I’m really only saying something 10 percent

of the time.

The rest is to support them.

Same thing with the 10 percent I’m really only talking about 5 percent one twentieth of the conversation.

The other 5 percent is validating them.

So go ahead and really drop down your numbers start to listen way more than you talk start to do the

validation the paraphrasing everything that we talked about.

And if you just follow the tips in this one section you will do significantly better and you will be

a true master of communication.

But don’t worry we’ve got more and I’ll see you in the next section.

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