Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

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Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

Hey everybody welcome back. Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

You’re now in the seventh section and we’re going to do more great Communication Tips.

But I want to congratulate you.

You are more than halfway done and you have learned a ton of information.

You are not the same person that started this training.

Why.

Because you have so much more skill and so much more mastery.

Much more to come.

Let’s jump in this next section.

It’s absolutely amazing.

Now your next tip is that the person who asked the question controls the conversation.

This is amazing.

You can control any conversation by simply asking a question.

Even if you’re nobody.

I remember when I was in high school a friend of mine taught me this skill.

I said I said to my buddy Nick I said Man my classes are so boring.

Know teacher never talks about any good stuff that I want to hear about.

You know and he said a simple thing to me he said.

Paul did you ask any questions in class.

I know a teacher knows me.

I just sit there and shut up.

He said no no no no no.

The teacher actually works for you.

And here’s I control him like a puppet on marionette strings.

So here’s what you do.

Simply ask a question.

They’re so excited that somebody is actually interested in their class they’re going to go ahead and

answer the question.

They can’t not answer the question.

They’re going to be thrilled to answer the question and guess who’s controlling the conversation now

no longer them.

But you if you don’t interrupt them that teacher will do whatever they had planned for that day or whatever

floats into their head that will be the entire conversation but with one simple question.

Boom you can completely change the direction of the conversation as long as it matches up even slightly

with what they’re talking about even if it’s even remotely on target.

If you can even kind of force it in shoe box it in.

So it’s remotely on target or on topic.

They will be thrilled to answer that question.

Well I tried this out in high school a few times and I would ask some even some pretty obscure questions.

But the teacher was always more than good about answering the question in kind of excited that I even

asked one.

So this technique absolutely worked.

When I went out into the work field what I could do is I could change the conversation by simply asking

a different question.

I learned later in psychology that this is actually a powerful drive of the mind.

If you think about the mind what does the mind actually do.

It asks and answers questions what does this mean.

And then it gives an answer.

What should I do about this.

And it develops a what answer when you’re talking in a conversation you’re largely asking and answering

questions.

It’s not the only thing you do but it’s a huge component right.

But people don’t realize that you can control the conversation directed in steer it.

Because once I ask you a question your brain is literally compelled.

Compelled to answer that question.

Very hard to get around it.

Now having realized this I’m hoping this will help you stay on track.

When people ask you odd questions that throw you off track what you do is you learned to loop back around.

You kind of answer their questions and make it relate back to what you were saying originally and then

go back on with what you were saying.

So that’s how to get around this because I don’t want you to get trapped by this either.

Now let’s dig a little bit more into how questions can control the conversation.

So questions can do an awful lot of things.

Questions can impact mood so if I say hey what’s really great in your life right now you’ll start thinking

about oh all these great times that you’ve had in your life and things are going really well now and

I can literally see your mood increase if I say what really stinks about your life right now.

You’ll think about all the bad things that happened and you know things that didn’t happen or should

have happened or how far behind you are and blah blah blah and your mood will drop noticeably.

So I can impact your mood boom like that by simply asking a different question.

I can ask a question like it’s kind of a question.

It’s almost like a statement.

Don’t you always succeed when you do this.

You know my experience is that you always succeed.

Isn’t that right.

So I’m making a statement.

My experience is you always succeed.

Isn’t that right.

And if it’s true then what you going to do is you to turn them around for maybe doubting themselves

to feeling self-confident that’s an impact in mood by asking the right question.

And I preassumed the answer.

My experience is you always succeed presumption.

Then I ask a question what’s the brain going to lock onto for the answer.

What I just said isn’t that true.

Well what’s lasting the brain hurt in Paul’s experience you always succeed.

You want me to be right.

You’re already thinking about the times you’ve succeeded because the first thing that happened when

I said you always succeed.

Your brain said Is that true.

And I started focusing on it.

So really different psychological ways I got your brain to focus on you succeeding.

Now questions can get more info.

That’s the common reason we think we use questions.

I’m going to leave that flat right there why.

Because we kind of know that that’s what we do.

Hey how do you do this.

Fix this solve this you know complete this boom boom boom boom.

We know we ask questions to get information but I want you to use the clever ways to impact mood and

the next one to create insights.

Have you ever considered an boom of ego.

That can create insight.

People say like therapy to me they’ll say oh my god I’m such a loser and blah blah blah blah.

I say is that true.

You’re still here.

You’re actually kind of tougher than me.

You’ve survived everything that’s ever happened to you.

Some of those things I heard them in group snap me like a twig.

You know I haven’t had a hard life like you so I’m not hardened it would have crushed me.

Are you sure you’re a weak person.

Are you or are you a strong person who’s just taken a heavy heavy beating.

Year after year after year.

Is that weakness or is that strength.

See I’m using questions over and over and over again almost in rapid succession to give them a new insight.

They think they’re weak and I think I’m actually showing them that the very reason they think they’re

weak they’re actually strong and how I do it.

I did it through a series of questions pretty clever right.

You can do things like this all the time.

When people question their courage I make them question their lack of courage when they question their

strength.

I make them question their lack of strength.

I go in the opposite direction.

I can always check attention.

So I can ask a question like when’s one time that that happened to you.

Have you had a similar situation.

Give me an example of one time when you blink.

Now somebody wasn’t paying attention as to pay attention.

I used to be able to get attention in groups and in cloud crowds simply by looking at somebody or walking

around the room and I tap them on the shoulder or I would ask them a question and boom they perked right

back up.

It was a way to scan the crowd and to check on and garner fresh attention.

I literally was rejuvenating their attention nice technique right now.

You can also use questions to create doubt.

What’s a good example of that.

Well similar to the last one I gave you.

Are you really a loser.

Losers quit losers don’t try to get better.

Losers don’t come into treatment.

Losers don’t go to AA they’re out the bars.

You literally can’t be in this room and be a loser.

You know my question because you don’t lose until you quit.

See question asked and answered. Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

I quit. Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

Created doubt about their weakness.

You can create doubt about anything. Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

They want somebody to think their girlfriend was cheating on them.

I say I could have sworn I saw your girlfriend at the mall with somebody like questionmark.

Is that going to create doubt. Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

Yeah.

Now please don’t use this for evil. Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

But if you want to create doubt in somebody sometimes you can question it.

They’re telling you about the great business plan I say how do you absolutely positively know you’re

going to succeed in that

and they’re going to come up with answers but the answers are going to be a little bit weak.

Absolutely sure.

See you can create weakness in create doubt doubt will unglue ideas Attucks would tell me all my using

friends promised me they wouldn’t use in front of me.

They promised you I just leave the question hanging there are these people reliable.

They were not they were not been faithful to their word.

He lent them money they didn’t give it back.

You ever asked them to be someplace and they weren’t there for you.

Now I’m creating doubt creating doubt creating doubt because I already know that they’ve lent them money

and they didn’t get it back.

I already know these people have let them down.

There are other addicts of course he let people down that’s what addicts do.

Ok that’s why the treatment.

That’s why they hit a bottom because they let people down.

I created doubt.

OK.

Because I want to talk him out of a stupid idea.

That’s going to get them hurt.

So I create doubt which loosens it up which makes it easier to what defeat you questions that you ask

and also set the tone.

If you wanted to create the best life possible how would you do it.

Was the tone that I just said that your life’s going to be great and that there’s ways to make that

happen and that you can think of ways to make it happen right now.

Is that moving you in a positive direction or negative direction positive.

It’s setting the tone.

It’s also setting what we’re going to talk about right.

So it’s setting topic like we talked about in the last section.

Now I can also discover values what’s most important for you or why is that important to you.

Uncover beliefs.

Why do you think that or what would I have to believe to believe this.

You know what I think to believe this.

You can ask questions about the beliefs.

Why is that important to you.

What makes you think that’s true.

When did you first start believing that I can ask questions that will uncover beliefs like I say what’s

most important to you in life.

And they’ll start telling you their values and beliefs.

Great way to uncover it.

What’s most important to you in this deal.

And by the answer that they give me under that is a value and a belief I can use questions even to interrupt

patterns.

Hey you know the bucks are coming to the stadium this weekend.

Has nothing to do with what we’re talking about.

But if they were agitated if they were upset if they were confused if they were hurt it makes them think

about something else which de-escalates their current state because it was interrupted.

And now they have to go back to it and go oh I’m sorry you were talking about and their state has dropped

whatever it was good bad or indifferent it will drop because I did a pattern interrupt and you can do

that a lot of different ways.

But when ever somebody state is getting too much of something that you don’t want it to you can just

talk about anything else just move the conversation a little bit and then go back.

It can be a stupid thing to start tapping on your phone and saying Do you ever have a time where you

know you push the power button and the thing actually shut off. Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

Now that has nothing to do with what you’re talking about.

But it makes me think about that.

It totally gets them off what they were thinking about that was upsetting them or whatever.

And when they come back to what they’re not as upset as they were.

And you go like oh I’m sorry you were talking about and you want to go back to what they were talking

about but now they’re at a lower level.

We used to use this in therapy a lot to de-escalate people. Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

So questions can be very very powerful and they can do an awful lot of different things.

Now here’s some interesting concepts when you’re talking about communication.

The Greeks used to use these three concepts ethos pathos and logos ethos was ethics and character.

You always want to do things that show ethics and character you always want to go to the Higher Self

both with in presenting who you are.

And in describing who the other person is and people will love you for this if you describe them as

having greater ethics greater character than they actually have they will love you.

The next one is pathos passion emotion. Great Communication Tips Part 2 open communication

If you add emotion into your presentation feeling into what you’re talking about with people or about

people that will increase your communication in logos is just adding logic in LA times I’ll say something

that’s very passionate and emotional a lot of personnel say but you know I know that’s true because

there was this one time when I saw you doing this and I was touched.

I thought it was really smart when you did blah blah blah blah blah.

So not only am I saying hey you’re a great person I’m supporting it with facts because if you say hey

you’re a great person say you just saying that or you’re my therapist or you’re my friend or whatever

or you’re just trying to make a sale when I can show proof.

That my emotion my passion behind why I feel that way about you that I do is also not so much passion

but fact it’s true it’s real then it becomes powerful.

It becomes unavoidable.

Like when I tell anybody in therapy that they’re a great person.

Like I said Hey you’re not a loser you know why.

And I was reaching out to them emotionally.

I wanted them to let them know that I support them.

That was the pathos the logic is.

Losers don’t come to these meetings.

Losers don’t try to help themselves.

This is logic losers aren’t working out how to become a better person.

Losers don’t even feel bad about being losers.

And that person is like that was a really nice thing to say.

And that was also really true.

If you just say hey you’re not a bad guy that’s going to roll off him like water off a duck.

They’ll appreciate it but they won’t believe it because it’s not passion backed by logic that makes

sense.

And remember the ethos because that’s not small either.

If you are not a honest witness if you are not using ethics and character if you’re just out there blowing

smoke up everybody’s crevices.

They are not going to believe you.

Why.

Because you have no credibility.

That’s why I like say you’re doing a marketing webinar.

When the first things they’ll always do is do the why should you listen to me part.

Hey my name is Paul.

I’m CEO of Advanced I am my best ideas doc.

I’ve run multimillion dollar businesses I have multiple degrees blah blah blah blah blah.

What you’re doing is you go through the character.

Why should you listen to me because I’ve already done what you need to do and I’ve got the right credentials

after my name to be the person to be able to help you.

I’m a good solid person and here’s why I’ll even talk about my what path shows passion and commitment

to helping you.

Which one goes back to my character.

I’m the type of person that wants to do want to help.

That’s a person we trust.

Now last tip for this section let people know that you like a lot of times you actually like something

somebody.

But look at these two pictures.

You forgot to tell your face.

Isn’t that funny.

You forgot to tell your face.

You’re not smiling.

OK.

Your motion is too flat.

And remember we said 55 percent of communication is body language so letting people know that you liked

them is a lot of different things.

So look at these two pictures.

Happy to see you are so happy to see you.

You know one question if they’re even happy to see you the other one you know they’re thrilled to see

you.

You can do this in a lot of ways.

I’ll tell people right out Hey it’s great to see you.

Oh my god When’s the last time I actually saw you.

I’m so glad we finally got together to do the handshake.

You do the hug you do the smile you do the warm greeting they knock on the door and your run over any

answer right away.

You know you want to connect with people.

There’s an old expression says the head never hears until a heart is listen you’ve got to make sure

that you have that heart to heart connection with somebody somebody knows that you like them.

We only connect with people that we know like and trust.

So liking We like people who have the good common sense to like us.

So you always have to let people know that you like them.

This is absolutely huge in connecting and creating rapport until you have a rapport a connection remember

that bridge of the minds that’s what rapport is.

No communication really happens at least no communication that’s effective.

So that’s your last tip for this section.

You’re more than halfway through.

I am so proud of you.

And I will see you in the next section.

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