Key Principles Of Communication types of communication
Key Principles Of Communication types of communication
Key Principles Of Communication types of communication
Hey everybody, welcome back. In this section,
we’re going to talk about the key principles of communication. And the first principle you need to understand.
Go ahead and take out your notebook and write this down. Key Principles Of Communication
Is that “Communication Is The Response You Get.” Key Principles Of Communication types of communication
People say, “well, I said this a certain way and they were meant to feel loved by that and they
took it wrong, so that’s all on them.”
Remember, we’re trying to master communication and we can’t master it by blaming other people.
We have to use the one tool that we have, our ability to communicate and make sure that we’re getting
the correct response. Key Principles Of Communication
So, they’re hearing what we’re actually saying.
And strangely this is one of the hardest things, we just talked about the last section,
It’s one of the hardest things that communication to actually say something and to have the other person
understand it the way you said it.
But, remember from the last section to that our goal is to create a bridge between two minds, so that
we’re linking up, we’re syncing up, and they do understand us, and that we get the response that we want
for trying to make somebody happy, we want them to be happy.
We’re trying to cheer somebody up,
we want them to be cheered up.
So, always be looking for the response that you’re getting, and make sure you’re getting the correct response,
and that the response is what you actually think it is.
So, you can see this angry couple over here and they’re back to back and obviously they were communicating.
They’re in love.
They want to get back to the love, but the communication that they’re putting out there, is it creating closeness
Clearly it’s creating Distance.
So that’s the response that they’re getting.
So what do they need to do?
They need to change their communication.
People in the middle are doing a pretty good job.
They want to cheer their friend up.
Their friend is having a hard time, but she’s OK with listening.
She’s still feeling bad.
You’re not going to instantly make somebody feel better just by saying something, but, see the girl’s hand
on her shoulder?.
The friend is putting the hand on the shoulder.
She’s still open, she’s still willing to be touched.
She’s still willing to communicate.
The other friends actually holding her hand on the other side.
This is good communication.
It will get the response that they want.
That means, we love you,
we care about you,
we’re here for you.
Now, a lot of times we think we’re getting a certain response back but we’re not. See the person doing
the OK symbol, the hand, well that means “OK” in this country. In other countries,
that’s actually a response that refers to an orifice that I believe is directly located centrally between
the left and the right butt cheek.
And they’re calling you that.
That’s not a good communication when you’re trying to present something positive,
but is it good feedback?
Yes, it’s excellent feedback,
and we will talk about that later.
People are always giving you excellent feedback.
The next section, I’m going to show you how easy it is for us to mess up our communication.
So, communication is also about meaning and what we do is, we tend to assume. Look at the lady with the
Did you have an immediate response to that?
Did you think you understood what had happened to her?
We you pretty sure that you were right?
What could this mean?
The reality is, it could mean multiple things.
We don’t know.
But the mind, the hardest thing for the mind to do, is to put a question mark in place, to have a vacuum.
Do not insert an answer immediately.
Our brains goal, is to see something, evaluate it, boom, and give us instant meaning. It will do that at a
high rate of speed, in like a millisecond, even when it’s wrong.
How many different things could this picture mean?
The lady with the black eye.
It could mean she’s abused.
And that’s the common meaning.
It’s called a “Mental Heuristic.”
A heuristic is a “Mental Shortcut.”
I don’t care if I’m right or wrong, when I can make a quick decision, I use this mental shortcut.
That’s what your brain does.
It will go with the percentages.
It says, “Boy, if I said that woman was abused or she was beaten I would be right about 80 90 percent of
So, I’ll go with that.”
Unfortunately, our brain when it uses heuristics, also tends to stop at heuristics, it doesn’t question it.
It believes it and he starts telling a story behind, how she got abused or how horrible this is.
You know, it drives right past.
Is that true or no? and starts saying, “oh my god that’s horrible.
And this guy beat her and he shouldn’t have done that.
Why wasn’t she protected?
Is she hurt.
Does she need a hug?”
You know it goes on all this stuff and it’s like.
You haven’t proven that this is what happened.
She could have had an accident on the ski slopes.
She could have banged into something, she could have had eyelid surgery, Maybe she’s beautifying. Maybe
she was in a fire and her eye was burned.
Could have been industrial accident, this might have been a chemical burn at work.
This could be secondary to
doing a scene in a movie or a horror film.
This could be, she’s just doing a tutorial on how to apply makeup.
Matter fact, that may be the most valid reason for why you’re seeing a picture like this.
You know why?, take a real close look at her eyes.
What do you see? You see rings in her eyes?
I know you don’t know this, because why would you.
But that’s a classic circular ring that’s lighting for photography.
So likely, she’s doing a demonstration of how to create makeup like this.
So no, she wasn’t abused, but she was trying to appear abused
and she’s demonstrating the makeup for you. Key Principles Of Communication types of communication
See how quickly we jump to conclusions? Key Principles Of Communication types of communication
But it could be a million different things. Key Principles Of Communication
Look at the gentleman the middle. Normally just say, “Oh, I know what’s happening with him. he’s tired.
It’s so clear, it’s right there.”
Have you never seen a tired person before?
But, is that what it means?
He could have a sleep disorder.
He just falls right to sleep all the time.
Could be a sleep disorder.
He could be amazingly intoxicated or drunk.
It could mean he’s bored.
He’s not tired.
Look at the lady screaming here over on the right.
What could that mean?
People would say, “I know what that means.
That means she’s frustrated.”
She could be screaming for joy.
She might have won the publisher’s clearinghouse.
“Here’s your $30 million.”
Here’s your check, they show up with the BIG check, remember that? Could be she’s having a cluster
could be she’s having massive tooth pain.
We don’t know.
But notice that the brain uses that shortcut, that heuristic, and immediately leaps on a meaning.
We have this challenge and other people have it as well.
Now this is huge in communication.
They did this study a long time ago.
They’ve done it over and over and over again, the percentages change a little bit, but it always comes
back to about these percentages.
“I remember when I was a kid. 1-I always worried about saying the wrong thing.
I said communication is all about what you say because you’re speaking words, hello, you’re speaking words.
It must be all about what you say.
But when we look at the study, you look at the sciences behind communication.
They do the studies, they check things out and they look at what percent of what is what.
And here’s what it breaks down to. Only 7% of the entire communication,
what people are hearing, what their understanding, is actually verbal.
That means 93 percent of your communication has absolutely nothing to do with what you say.
It’s more how you say it and how you use your body language.
Those are the big two.
That’s what comprises 93% of all communication.
So, I didn’t think this was true.
I thought it was what you say and not how you say it.
And my cousin Johnny, we were driving around the car we were arguing about this back and forth.
Come to find out he was right. Key Principles Of Communication types of communication
He says, “Paul, enough of this.
I’ll prove it to you.”
And what he does is, he goes at the tollbooth.
He gives the lady, the 50 cents.
And he says, “Screw you very much!”
And she says, “Oh thank you!” Well, he just told her to go screw herself …
But he said it in such a way with a big smile on his face and he’s waving his hand to her, like he’s
just seen his best friend at the airport, and 93% of the communication, was that he was thrilled
to see her and like her best buddy. The other 7% what he said was, “Screw you very much.”
OK, little negative there …
but he proved his point, because she was so happy, she misheard it.
Because 93% was going in one direction, 7% was going the other direction.
Your brain kicks in the heuristics we just talked about and said “oh, he must be thrilled and happy
with the service he got and to see me.
Most people aren’t that excited to see me.
It’s only tollbooth and you’re giving your money away.
I don’t normally get a very positive response.”
I’m hearing what I want to hear, which is this person is thrilled finally, so he’s happy with my service.
I’m taking their money
and he was so happy.
It was a miscommunication.
But, he had a massive advantage …
He had 93% going in the direction he wanted to go.
So, he proved me wrong!
TONE is very important.
We’re going to go over that next. Tone will change the entire meaning of the message. I heard a speaker
once. He gave an example, he said, “My mother would call my name and she would say ‘Paul’ (strong tone) vs.
‘Paul’ (soft tone). I was going have two totally different experiences, right?”
Tonality is huge.
People do voiceovers.
Why do they do these brilliant voiceovers?
Now it’s nice to start out with a good voice, but you can start out with a good microphone, and just mess
with the voice in the background.
The people that are really good at doing voice overs have vocal variety, tonal variety.
Their pitch goes up and it goes down.
It adds emotion, it subtracts emotion.
It’s all this tonality, it’s tone.
They’re doing amazing things with the tone.
The verbal part, the text that they’re given isn’t going to change.
So what do they have to play with? What’s the only string in the guitar that they can play on?
It’s the tone.
And they don’t amazing things with it.
55% of human communication is Body Language.
Haven’t you always wondered why people talk with their hands?
It’s hard for people to think and even to communicate, if they have to put their hands at their side.
Body language is huge.
Go ahead and take your TV and shut the sound off.
You know what? You’ll still know about about 1/2 of what’s going on.
You can kind of sort of figure out what’s going on and follow the story even though you’re essentially
what? DEAF! There is no communication in terms of verbal or tone.
But still get what? About 55% of it. So, remember these percentages and try to be good at your communication
in these percentages.
Stop worrying so much about the verbiage, what you say.
Worry a little bit more about the tone and use real good strong body language to communicate the feeling.
The sense of things.
The true message that you want to get across.
Now let me show you a little bit about the tone.
It’s one of the most powerful keys to effective communication.
I’m gonna use an example here, and I’m going to use the exact sentence, I’m gonna use the exact same seven
words over and over and over again.
And all we do is change the TONE and I will totally change the meaning.
1-I” didn’t say, he took the money.
2-I “DIDN’T” say, he took the money.
3-I didn’t “SAY”, he took the money.
4-I didn’t say, “HE” took the money.
5-I didn’t say, he “TOOK” the money.
6-I didn’t say, he took the “MONEY”.
Now, I said that six different ways and
each one had totally different meaning, simply based on tone. The tone that I used, the word that I keyed on.
Literally the way I described the words on the screen with what, just the tone.
Add in some body language, and it could be wildly different.
That’s it for these tips and I’ll catch you in the next section.
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